Debt and Relationships

It's amazing how a little debt (or a lot) can affect a relationship. I'm not surprised that 40% or more marriages that end in divorce are because of financial issues.
I think that debt stress is hard enough when a couple gets into it together. It's "their" debt. It's a little different when only one half of that couple is strapped with the debt. Then it becomes a wedge, and it's so darn difficult to keep that wedge from getting so big that it tears your relationship apart. It's the only thing that I am really sensitive about with myself and really one of the only things that we (my husband and I) fight about on a regular basis.
I feel like my debt is the easy blow for my husband to use to immediately make me feel bad. No matter what we are arguing about, he's got that debt card in his back pocket that he can whip out at anytime and the argument immediately turns in his favor and I'm the bad guy. Now, I am sure that much of this is in my own head, because I am so sensitive to this issue that I get on the defense as soon as anything remotely sounds like "money" or "debt", but some of it is not. The metaphor I use to describe how I feel about my debt is that it's much like the girl who is self-conscious about her weight. Any little reference to anything that could remotely be about her weight and she feels badly. And it's such an easy blow for your spouse to use. You say "I can't believe you were out until 3am and got a DUI and lost your job!" and he says "Yeah, but look how fat you are." Done.
Case in point. Last night I was trying to get my son to go to bed. He is a night owl and it's fairly difficult to get him to sleep at night. It was 9pm and past his bedtime, so I took him in the room and laid down with him. Well, after about 20 minutes of him fussing his dad comes to the rescue to "save" him from evil mommy who is making him do something that he doesn't want to do. So I follow them out to the living room and we proceed to have an argument about bed time. Not 5 minutes into the argument he reaches into his back pocket (figuratively) and whips out the "debt card" and all of a sudden he's ranting and raving about how much debt I'm in and how I've screwed our family and how we will never have a bright future with all my debt looming over us. I don't know how this happens but all of a sudden I'm having to defend myself - and the bed time argument is over. He's won. I suck.
I've been told that I need to "make peace" with myself and my financial situation, and once I have then these things won't bother me. Well, I guess I have not yet made peace, because I can't help but be bothered!
I guess a silver lining is that it's a great motivator to get out of debt! Too bad that all this stress just makes me want to go out and shop . . .